


Coming Clean

by anysin



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Amnesia, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 08:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anysin/pseuds/anysin
Summary: In a way, it’s a relief to be with someone who doesn’t have any expectations for him. AU where Stan never regains his memories.





	Coming Clean

The girl, Mabel, leaves her scrapbook with Stan, and Stan doesn’t have the heart to tell her no. As soon as she and her brother are out of town, though, he puts it away; he knows that he can look through those pages forever and his mind will remain the blank thing it is. If there was anything to revive, it would have been revived already. Trying to pretend otherwise just makes him sad at this point, knowing that he’s failing to make the people around him happy.

His memories may be lost lost, but that lurch of having caused a disappointment is still there, recorded into his body. Obviously it’s something Stan has a long history of doing.

So he puts the book away in his nightstand, keeping it near just in case he needs to make a show of looking through it to Ford. But Stan doubts that it’s necessary. Ford seems to be resigned to the way things are now, not trying to push him to remember or even talking about the memories they used to share. It would probably bother Stan if he was out to impress Ford, but he isn’t. Ford may be unhappy with him, but he also seems to be willing to accept Stan the way he is now, which Stan appreciates. In a way, it’s a relief to be with someone who doesn’t have any expectations for him.

Seems like Ford has a long history of exactly that.

“We haven’t had the most ideal relationship,” Ford tells him one night when they’re sitting at the porch. They’ve each had one beer, and apparently one is enough to turn Ford into a bleeding heart; Stan makes a mental note of that in case he wants to avoid heart to hearts in the future. “I used to think you were nothing but trouble, a weight on my shoulders.” Ford pauses, worrying his lower lip with his teeth. “That you were holding me back.”

Stan nods, not knowing what else to do. He guesses he should feel hurt over those words, wonder how his brother could feel that way about him, but the fact of the matter is that it’s hard to get upset when he doesn’t remember a thing about their relationship. Who knows, maybe Ford had a good reason to feel the way he did? Hell, he wouldn’t really blame Ford for feeling that way _now_.

“I couldn’t have been more wrong.” Ford lets out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes. “All this time, you had it in you to be a hero, Stanley. And I couldn’t see it until it was too late.”

Likewise, not knowing the weight behind that praise, it means nothing to Stan.

He hears himself laughing, uncertainly; when Ford stares at him, devastated, he is quick to say: “I’m sorry, it’s just- I dunno.” He looks over to the forest, watching how the fading sunlight glows in the leaves of the trees. He thought the sight would calm him down, but it ends up unsettling him; he looks back to Ford instead. “I just don’t think you need to feel bad about that stuff, you know? Don’t sweat it, it’s in the past.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Ford says, face darkening.

“Eh, maybe.” Stan hesitates, then reaches out to give Ford a light bump on the arm, hoping it to be reassuring. When Ford’s expression only seems to darken more, Stan quickly adds: “I’m just saying, I don’t blame you for feeling the way you did. We had issues. They didn’t get resolved. That happens sometimes.”

“Maybe if I had reached out for you more, it would have gone differently.”

“Well, you didn’t.” Stan shrugs. “Tough titty.”

Ford doesn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so they both lapse into silence, into their own thoughts. So maybe Stan was wrong about Ford: Ford _does_ have expectations for him, wishing that Stan would flagellate him for having thought so lowly of him, not realizing just how utterly pointless it is. Maybe the old Stan would have done that, hated Ford for having the feelings he did, but that’s just it: old Stan isn’t here anymore. It’s just this Stan now.

Stan’s memory is going to remain gone, and Ford will have to find a new way to forgive himself. Stan is willing to help him with that; he just hopes Ford is willing to be helped.


End file.
